girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
