i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
