Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He felt like a one man threesome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
