i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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