what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
