I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
