Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
