I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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