I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain