Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.