did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
