The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
