I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.