did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK