she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
