OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
