my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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