He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
