I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize