Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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