he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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