So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
