It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
