she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
