ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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