What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
