I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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