Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
