just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
