I'm so fucking centered right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
