Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
