bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
