maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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