Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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