my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
