3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
