Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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