i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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