just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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