Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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