Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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