Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
