i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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