Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
