somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
