I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize