you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
