I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
