everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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