dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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