I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
