He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
