wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
