Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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