Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
