38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
