You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
