i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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