dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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