I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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