I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
