Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
