6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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