dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
