hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
