We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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