I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize