there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
