if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
