Moan for me like Helen Keller
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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