You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
