I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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